December 16 next step with "e"

Big meeting at FM house.


We won't have "I" this weekend r next weekend because of going to my sons graduation.... It's been weird.

Empty Nest Holidays

Suck! I miss the big family gatherings especially, but not even having the small Holiday gatherings with both of my children home is pretty sad too. I so look forward to the crazy, loud, filled, kids screaming and running around kind.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and may your day be happy and not full of disregulation.

Seriously the Roller Coaster Makes me want to vomit

Word is we can NOT give up. They have some things up their sleeves too. WTF?

If the GAL is opposed

Is there any sense in moving forward with this case at all. The absolute lack of preparedness that they presented was atrocious. Maybe they actually should have put someone who had actually talked to us on the stand and new about us... perhaps they should have reviewed our homestudy, course they were blindsided by the last minute lawyer she walked in with, but I knew she would have one, but the GALs total agreement with her intervention... wtf? He has not even talked to us EVER!! I can imagine what she has been filling her head with, but if someone would just see her with us, then it wouldn't be so lost but, we don't have a chance. How long to we continue to put her through the back and forths and bonding for nothing?

Court Fail

To be or not to be continued????

Red File Staffing

Is today at 130p. My adoptions worker has to go there and present to a panel why we would make the best adoptive family for this little girl. Apparently this time there will even be a lawyer representing the mother. Maybe that means this was only a legal risk and she was not already severed? Who knows, they don't really tell you much. As a matter of fact we haven't even seen a picture of her yet. Hopefully if chosen we'll get to see one later today.

Tomorrow is still court for "I". It's a split session. Which means it's from 830am to 930am then from 10am to 11am. Really not sure why, as I have never been to one of these before. I hope that they can present everything in the first session and she'll make her decision by the second and just rule and this can be finished either way.


*** Update- Court did not go well... we have some thinking to do... because ultimately, since the GAL seems against the change of placement... we won't win.***

There was no need for this to turn into a custody battle, none at all and it's beyond frustrating that it has come to this. I refuse to compete in a she said/she did slander battle. It is what it is and if she'd been on the up and up the whole time it would never have come to this to begin with. It's what happens when you make this all about money and NOT about the child.

Adopting Vowels

Staffing is on Thursday for "E". Court is on Friday for "I". Oh how I wish I could complete our family with these two little girls!

Last Weekend Visit

Well a bittersweet moment I guess. We are on our way soon to go and pick-up Little Miss "I" for a weekend visit with us. It's a four hour round trip, and we have been doing this for nearly 6 weeks now. I miss her so much during the week. But this could be IT. Next week is court. I am not sure if they will rule from the bench, or take time to consider, but all I know is it is not fair to her nor us to continue with a state of limbo. Will she or won't she be adopted by us.

The heartbreak for us, I tried to keep a distance, but they again I allowed myself to bond. That is the reason for the continued transition visits.

Please pray for us or keep us in your thoughts, that next week, we'll be able to bring her home for good!

Lazy teen or language barrier or a bit of both?

Either way... rude awakening does not even begin to name what is brewing inside right now. I'm stressed so small things build up. But seriously how many times do I have to remind someone to PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Probably a million times because he is a teenager, but still LAZY, does not even begin to describe this kid lately. I am thinking depressed or homesick. His girl broke up with him. But soccer has started, he was looking forward to that, but complains about the sore muscles. I think he thought this was going to be a nonstop vacation. Maybe he really needs to be in a home with other teenagers. Right now all of our attention has been focused on the mess with the adoption and foster care stuff.

I have control issues

Ok I admit it, I have control issues. I need to know things, I need to be in the loop with decisions. Heck I make most of the decisions, but mostly I need to have order. Not strict in your face order, but things need to stay the way I put them. Yeah I know it's bordering on an OCD thing, but really I KNOW I am not alone in this issue. Of course the oldest of our last sibling set used to rearrange things whichever way SHE thought they should be, I understand that crazy, but so yeah needless to say, it kinda bugged me a bit when she did it, because usually it was my stuff she rearranged.

However, a peek into the crazy that was my weekend. We have a guest suite downstairs, complete with it's own bathroom. I always wanted an Americana room decor and figured the guest room would be perfect for it. <- click for the pics. When we were approached to host an exchange student, the guest room downstairs was the only one available. At the time he came we still had the 3 girls who each had one of the rooms in our "pod". The "pod" is made up of 3 identical rooms and shares a bathroom, whereas every other room in the house has it's own. (There are 6 total)

Our other guest suite, is the upstairs room that was being saved for our adopted daughter. Currently that is "I"'s room and I really really hope it stays that way.

Anyway, let's just say I relocated our Host Son upstairs to one of the rooms in the "pod". Why? Because I am crazy and almost flipped my lid.

It's been a bone of contention between him and I lately about the room being messy constantly. It started to smell and things that were brand new had sticky, I don't know what on them. This was enough to cause daily stress, because my nice things, that I had waited to buy, were, in my mind, being disrepected of sorts. But then he went and broke my crazy wide open. He rearranged everything. Everything was pushed up against one wall and squished together. My nicely put together room was CHANGED!

So after a fretful night and probably breaking the kids heart, I told him that he needed to change rooms today. He was a bit shocked by my reaction. Really change the room? Anyway, I told him he could go upstairs and pick whichever room he wanted from the "pod" and it would be HIS room to do with what he wished! I think at first he thought it was a punishment or something. But really it was just a solution to keeping me happy and giving him the opportunity to make his room feel more like home.

And as I finally put it. Family sleeps upstairs, he is no longer a guest. For 6 more months he is here he might as well feel at home. And he won't be ruining the room anymore... <- see I'm crazy :-P

"I" Update

Still plugging along with the every weekend visits. I am submitting my mileage for reimbursement, I have only received the first check so far, I am submitting another one this week, but despite her being a Foster Child and technically this qualifying for every weekend DDD Respite, we are not getting much beyond gas money. Right now it's about $120 round trip minimum. We also take time off from work to do the back and forths, and do not have any paid time off for these.

She has started calling us Mamma and Dada now. She'll be in the car or at breakfast or whenever I am not holding her and she call out, " Mamma, Mamma." I say "Hi" she says "Hi" back and blows kisses. As soon as she hears Hubby's voice she turns her head and blows kisses and says Dada. If that is not a child who is becoming bonded I don't know what is.

At the last drop off she was singing, talking, and laughing. But when FM came she put her head down and stopped talking. The CPS worker saw this. Because she was even talking to the CPS worker when she did it.

I have so little hope that things are going to go our way, but we are still moving forward as if she will be our daughter and getting to know her and have irrevocably fallen in love with her.

Court is only two weeks away now, next weekend is the last weekend visit. I start my new job the Monday following court, which is M-F 8a to 5p and I will not be able to continue to do the back and forth drives any longer, so they need to make a decision at that time.

Prayers, thoughts, blessings, anything you got is welcome! Apparently when I was "back home" with the family this weekend they were very shocked at the way I talked about her. They honestly said they weren't expecting me to be so bonded to her already, but they said they could see me light up when I talk about her. I showed off videos and pics, that I can't share via social media, so everyone got a lot of Little Miss "I".

Update of Sorts

Not much really going on. So in bullets:

*Still continuing the every weekend visits with "I". Court is the 22nd of this month.

*Still no news on our CDH license change and placements for foster care.

*We did get a profile of a VERY medically fragile 3 y/o little girl yesterday who's goal is adoption as well. After reading "E's" profile we are VERY interested in her and feel like she'd make a great addition to our family. So here we go again...