I feel so sick

Because I am so tired. I can't keep this up. The behavior coach for the oldest called today and said the visits will take 3.5 hours once a week. At least 30 minutes with me and the rest with the oldest... giving me tips and showing me how to use new techniques and such. The therapist comes for 2 hours once a week. There are two visits a week, not to mention the fact that they want to do things like eat meals and snacks all day ;-)

Anyway... I did NOT agree to this type of placement without the higher rate compensation. Why? Because the higher rate allows hubs to stay home and me to work. I need to work, I need to be AWAKE at work. I make the money. He was to be the one doing all of these interventions... except I put down that I did NOT want behavior therapies, such as Autism spectrum because I knew from experience that I could not handle the demands of it.

Higher order medical conditions are much easier to handle than behaviors. Mostly because you get help with them in the form of respite nurses, instead of more things to do on your own.

Beyond frustrated at this time... like one more thing on my plate with ZERO sleep! I actually feel sick! I may crack. Not sure exactly where to turn. I hate to have this placement disrupted but the expenses are adding up and the WORK is increasing so much that I am feeling like I want to run away and hide.

Some days are good. Days where it's straight up parenting and I have managed a night of sleep... like Sunday's and Mondays. But by Thursday I feel like I am going to die and I am just a big bitch. Heck by Friday I am practically in a coma.

I hate to dump this all on hubs after he has worked all day... of course his 2 hours with them is nothing compared to my 11 after working all night, being up all day and repeat.

Currently I am getting about 1.5 hours sleep when I get home and about 1 hour after he gets home before I go to work. I'd like to say these are good sleeping hours but they are NOT! Between the dogs barking and the girls yelling it's interruption after interruption.

Top it off that I feel guilty that the little one I take care of isn't getting the special times she used to get with me. I knew things would be different and I knew it would be hard on her. I have tried to take her twice now but it's hard because when she is here it is 4 times as much work and she does like to monopolize a lot of my time I just can't give it to her but with her health issues she needs constant monitoring.

Well off to fight with three little heads of hair and get ready to fight traffic to drop them off at their visit. I really hope they switch soon.