trying to engage...but it's hard

A major major heart break happened on Saturday night that honestly I am not sure how to recover from. Right now it is so hard to be happy and engaged with little "I" while my emotions go from shock to utter despair and grief. I want to bond with her and love on her, and at times I have been able to do it. For about an hour last night we laughed so hard! But it's that double edged sword waiting to stab me at any moment that says, " She isn't yours. They may still taker her away forever too."I just can't take another heartbreak right now.

However, Hubby and I know that we are on the right path. There is a very special little girl up in heaven right now who taught me all about loving a special needs child, she brought me to her wonderful family, who has showed us the way step by step to being able to make a difference in the lives of some of the sickest children. I will be forever grateful to her I will miss her forever!