Not to be

I updated in the tab section but have decided that we are not the right home for "Z". There were some things that came out about his interactions with lower functioning children that just will not fit in with the type of children that hubby and I are interested in fostering, or adopting, if everything goes through with "I" as we hope it will, they would just not be a good fit together.

We also are just not really equipped to deal with tough behaviors with autistic children. Once they said he needs a calm environment I knew we were not the home for him. But I read through everything, researched everything, but it all came out to we are just not a good fit. I think he needs a stay at home MOM and to be an only child.

The nurse kept saying he had "meltdowns" that lasted hours and sometimes days. I just can't deal with that, and I know hubby can't either. We learned that the hard way with the first placement.

Big Day tomorrow...

Redfile staffing with paper presentation for prospective adoptive placement. Wish us all luck!

A Little Fair Fun

Happenings

FYI a tab has been started at the top to chronicle what is going on these days in the quest to add a new family member.

While things are working themselves out with the licensing issues (things can always be back dated), we are moving forward with the next chapter. On Tuesday next week will be the next step.

And like I said

Waiting for other people to do their jobs! It's very annoying and frustrating and inducing all kinds of feelings right now in me.

First thing after the Nov 22nd hearing when hopefully we will finally see where everything goes with "I" we will then most likely change agencies. I have had about enough of me being the one who has to put a fire under their asses and get things done. Almost a month now and I get as a response to my email, " Oh they just opened that screen up... I will type out your new Homestudy this week... I will get right on it... I will get it done..."

Seriously! Isn't this what she said two weeks ago, yes as a matter of fact it was!!

URGH!!!

I don't miss the girls, which I knew I wouldn't, but I miss "I" like crazy, I miss having a full house here. That one glorious day where we had 7 kids in the house, yes that is what I want! That is what this has all been about. I also really let's face it, need the extra money at this time from the Foster Payments since work has gone all upside down.

Return Run

Doing the return run tomorrow. She had a fever with no other symptoms Friday and Saturday but was fine today and back to her usual, happy, playing, only sleeping at bedtime self.

Sending an email to my licensing worker tomorrow to check the status of our change. We really need to get some placements going here! It's been almost a month now since she submitted our request for change paperwork, and there is a huge article about kids waiting in case managers offices overnight instead of being placed in homes. NOT ONCE HAVE WE GOTTEN A CALL!

Someone has dropped the ball and once again here we are wondering what is next and putting everything on "hold"

Fever, cranky.... and still cute

Visiting for the weekend and she is totally NOT herself today, she is sleeping and pretty warm. But we managed to go out for about an hour or two while she was feeling better to get some dinner.

I also wanted to start putting together her room. Even if she is not permanent and can't see it, she should have a nice place that is made especially for her!

Some Movement

There has been some movement with regard to what is next... stay tuned!

Patience

Have I mentioned I DO NOT HAVE ANY? I hate waiting for other people to do their jobs! I did mine! Hell sometimes I have even done theirs for them too. At this point I really need answers, I really need things done, and most especially I really need to KNOW what is next.

I am not good without having a plan! But if HE has one... I would really like it if HE shared.

To be continued...

Until Nov 22nd at that time is a hearing and a decision. Until then we continue with weekend visits, and she has to get and pay for her own attorney. I guess she was a bit shocked that they didn't just up and decide that it was a done deal. So it wasn't good news or bad news at this point, but it's still up in the air.

In the meantime we will continue with our plan on our path and see what happens.

All's Quiet on the Eastern...Southwestern... well in my hood anyway

So we are down from 5 kids to 1. Just our exchange son now. The girls are home with their parents... mind you I found out that it was only 3 days earlier than the planned return...wtf? Anyways, I also had to return "I" today. I have so little hope that things will go our way... but I had to try everything I could.

So now we wait..again... for the state to confirm our change in licence, for the court to make a decision on "I"'s adoption, and for new placements.

What these last 10 days have confirmed is that SHE is my daughter, whether we have her or not, AND we have a strong calling for medically fragile children.

hair day

Once a week is Hair Day, it's when we try and tame the wild beast that is "I"'s mane of ethnic hair. She HATES it, she hears the detangeler spray and screams like you are killing her. I over saturate her hair and the comb glides through without any resistance and she still screams like you are torturing the poor thing. People probably thought that I was hurting her the way she screams.

But hey, if once a week we have a temper tantrum over hair, well I think we can live with that. 30 minutes out of her week of not being happy, well could be worse.

But... well... wish we knew for sure already!

A little upside downish

Well I finally pulled the trigger so to speak and made the final push to have the girls removed from our home. They are one week from their court date, they are on school break, and they were there every single day and only came home to have miserable nights and mornings. So they left Thursday.

We were beyond stressed, beyond miserable, and beyond our breaking point months ago. I started having migraines everyday and my blood pressure was so high again when the doorbell would ring. This is NOT why we got into this.

The sad part is that we still have no official word on where we stand with "I"'s adoption and we won't know for either 4 days or longer. Gosh we are so in-love with that little girl. How is that possible?

So anyway this also means that our CHD is no open and we should be able to get placements for that now. There is one little boy that is a possible placement, but it's not for sure or anything, he is just from our Skilled Facility and they are looking for a skilled home. So who knows.

Advanced Planning

Gotta love when they come home from a parent visit and they are already moping around, shooting me dirty looks, and practicing the speech they will use the next day to complain about how much you aren't doing for them,how much fun they are not having, and how this is the worst day ever, before the day has even begun. Oh the oldest tries my patience.

9P to 7A

Yup she slept straight through the night! No wake-ups, no 5am "bottle" of milk. She cruised on through the night like it was her normal pattern. She also went with me over to "work" last night and did really great considering the atmosphere and the amount of people she didn't know that were over there. She seems to be adjusting very easily. She also eats 3 meals a day for me. She loves baby foods. She's a big girl so maybe weaning her down on her g-tube feeds and more onto PO foods that are healthy will keep her weight from climbing too high too fast. Of course this doesn't mean much, because she is not ours yet. But my point, we need a feeding specialist why?

So I sent the CPS worker for the girls an email in no uncertain terms stating that she MUST extend the sleepover this Thursday all the way to Sunday. No 9pm return on Friday followed by a 8am pick-up on Saturday. We have been more than amendable to the lack of schedule with this transition, but right now we are barely making it through this grief and pain and there is no way after Friday that I will be in any kind of shape to deal with the drama surrounding the 3 Amigas.

My daughter in law is coming to watch "I" for us, so that will be good, and then we can bring her to the reception with us, but I do not want to be worried about having to get back in time, or whatever for a pick-up or drop-off whenever they feel like it. We are not here to be their intermediary babysitters either. I could get sitters for them, but not where they could get picked-up and dropped off from.

So we shall see how this works out I guess.

Life in Transition Limbo

Is crazy to say the least. I like the extended breaks from the constant tattling, the whining, and the nonstop battle with the oldest to actually wear clothes that not only fit, but are also clean, and somewhat go together. Today's outfit seriously looked like she intended to go out in a t-shirt and underwear. Shorts that were not her's and a shirt pulled down so far it actually showed her "boobs".... The extensive choruses of," But Grammy gave me these, but Grammy said..." To which my curt . " Listen to me... Put. On. Shorts. That. Fit. You. The. End."

The middle one has seriously changed her attitude. Gone is the excitement in life. She is angry now. Pretty much at me. But of course not sure why, other than right now "I" is here so there are some butt hurt little girls who despite really wanting to go home, HATE to share attention with anyone.