Warning- Resentful Vent Post

Yup thats me, I'm resentful. I resent having to work 40 hours in three days to come home and the dishes are days old piled high in the sink. I'mn resentful that when I get up I have to make dinner for everyone, because the person who should be doing it is playing a video game, or on the cell phone, or watching something on tv, while the kids entertain themselves. I'm resentful and overwhelmed with the amount of energy I don't have, but by the amount of work there is always to do.

Yes I give props for being awesome at taking the kids to the doctors, setting up feeding pumps, changing diapers (less frequently then should be done), and doing a few halfass bedtime routines a few times a week. But I'm resentful of your version of "busted my ass cleaning all day", when all you did was sweep and mop the floors, yet there are piles of laundry,the bathrooms are gross, and every surface is cluttered, dusty, and covered in dirty fingerprints or dog hair... but you busted your ass all day cleaning.

I'm resentful that the paperwork is all left to me, but the spending of the money is all left to him. He doesn't even know how much it is, and how far it should go because he spends and spends and spends and doesn't account for it.... yes one more thing for me to do.

I've tried hiring a Nanny to help out, only to find that extra help turns into extra headaches and less getting done. Teaching someone to do something half-assed doesn't help. I've recently hired a friend to help out on the nights that I am working so that he can get some sleep. Of course then he stays up late watching the tv, playing video games or on the cell phone too.

I'm resentful that there are two other adults in this house who take, take, and take some more. I don't consider holding a baby, while I give another a bath, or watching two children who entertain themselves for a hour every once in a while rendered payment for my utter and total support. I am resentful that a grown man isn't acting like a man at all and has also stopped contributing to the household, but hasn't stopped eating me out of house and home, or using my car and taking money from my daughter.

And yes I am resentful that I have had to put school on hold because I have no time for anything, as a matter of fact I am writing this post after a 13.5 hour shift and on ZERO sleep, after doing said dishes, doing feeding therapy with two babies, then administering late meds, breathing treatments and getting dinner ready to cook.

I am so resentful infact that I contemplate daily throwing in the towel altogether. Right now the only thing I am waiting on is the outcome of Mr. D's case. I am pretty sure that if we get to adopt him we are moving into a smaller place and quitting foster care and someone is going to have to get a part-time job. If we don't get to adopt him... I am moving to a smaller place and walking away from it all. :-(

The haps

Well D's next court date is March 24th... that'll be a few days before his one year anniversary of being with us. In the meantime we continue to do visits and see where things go.

Mr C hopefully will be moving on in March, but at his CFT meeting yesterday they said it could be May at this point, unless they can get the judge to sign off on an early transfer once they receive the interstate contract they are waiting on. He's been increasing his behaviors as this drags out. I think he's starting to wonder if this is going to be another let down, he doesn't have the cognitive understanding to get that it's all about waiting for paperwork now.... but then again what kid does?

Little Miss S is a cutie but a handful. If her hands are free in 1 second flat she can pull out her NGT and O2 and set all of her alarms off. We haven't heard anything about her case plan at this point. Haven't settled into anything with her yet as everything is still pending referrals etc. Hopefully she'll get some nursing to give hubby a break.

Emily is Emily and there isn't much different with her. She's doing well with her arm extender. We have a meeting in April for her plan for kindergarten and she has another nurse starting because her evening nurse needed better hours and wasn't really flexible enough to work the days we'd need her for.

So that's about it really... just waiting!

Attempt # 2 at Severance was a no go

Today the Bio's came to court and contested severance. I am an emotional wreck, but then again I know that due process must take place. Mediation is next phase, then trial. CPS wants to let them try and work their cases in the meantime. Makes sense, but it still sucks when we could have been severed back in November had the AG done his job correctly in the first place.... now we wait again and keep trucking along. This is the problem with foster care for sure, the heartbreaking moments.