Is it just me...

Or is Benihana a huge disappointment? I have been to quite a few nonfranchise restaurants such as this one and they all do a volcano with fire and more interactive show. Even the food at this place was nasty. The girls enjoyed the show and experience but were also sadly disappointed by the food... damn how to you make shrimp so BLAND with all of those spices at your disposal? Of course I liked the... "We like the shrimp Christine makes better" comment made at the table...haha.

So we also went to see Godspell... small intimate theater troupe production in old town glendale... was AMAZING! The girls actually loved it. I am so glad they did. We topped that off by a trip over to the "dead" zoo at Cabella's and a dinner at Cracker Barrel. They had a blast and were very well behaved the entire time with not one single meltdown.

We had a small issue with the 6 year old as we waited for the show to start and the oldest while waiting for the food to come... but overall they were not "behavior" driven but simply just hunger and being six.

Do you hold a grudge

Against bad behavior or do you brush it off and move on? It's so hard to do that sometimes. You want to do fun things, but inevitably the bad behavior starts and ruins it for all.

Of course every child in every family has that issue at one time or another. I remember many a game night ruined by a bioson temper tantrum and sore losing. Many a trip to a restaurant was also ruined by a mopey kid. (This place smells funny, I don't like this, my stomach hurts, I didn't want to come anyway)

I guess as a parent you want to enjoy fun things with your children and provide your child something to do aside from staying home all the time. In this AZ heat it is even more important to find things to do that are inside. Which usually has an additional expense associated with it. In 120 degree heat your free options are few and far between. Simple things that keep the kids busy and that they enjoy are usually off the agenda. I mean you just can't go to a park or ride a bike without fear of third degree burns or heatstroke. Heck even swimming is not an option at this high temp because the water feels like bath water and has no cooling affect.

So we plan other things...

Then comes the self-regulation issues that get in the way, as does a child's clear open defiance. Social anxiety and awkwardness take the fun out of spontaneous things as well, but planning something sometimes makes it even worse because of the anxious anticipation associated with doing something completely new.

So when the behavior leading up to an already paid for event is HORRIBLE do you really want to go? I am trying so hard to deal with it, get over it, move on, and try again. But seriously it's pretty hard when any moment now you are waiting for the other shoe to drop... could it be behind door number 1, 2, or 3?


Noobs to Foster care beware! ;-)


PS: I have started looking into a "Parenting Traumatized Children" class) I need to work on my skills! I have also read a ton of books and continue to look for information on how others deal with it.

I want to practice the "stop yelling" method but with 1 hard of hearing child it's like she begs me to yell so she can say I did and I fall for it every time.

Contrary to Popular Opinion

There are joyous days and times with these 3 and they make me laugh often. I think I surprise them with my comments at times and well they have no idea how to respond to it.

"Can I have more shrimp please?"
"No you may not, but thank you very much for asking using all your best manners."

4 shocked little faces staring back at me... "Christine are you kidding?" asks the 4th. (this is the little girl I do private duty nursing for who happened to be here today)

So why no? Because I think a slice of watermelon, 10 shrimp, along with a bowl of chicken soup was a pretty big enough meal. But yeah the way I make shrimp is awesome sauce so I appreciate the fact that you love it! But you didn't finish the rest of your meal anyway.

An hour after lunch today is their visit. Usually it's a a meal time, a la dinner or lunch time. This time it is right after lunch. So of course they are going to be starving right?

But I have refused to kowtow to the nit picking and BS... if they want something to be upset about they can bitch about the fact that the dog bit the middle girl (no broken skin remember just a bruise) but yeah then they can remove the girls to another home... oh wait they can't find one.

At this point I don't even know if I want to be stay licensed anyway.

I think he is done too

I had my doubts and knew he'd have issues and now I know for sure that this is just too much for him to handle. Since I have been here at hospital with the youngest he had been at home with the problem one who has been a big problem. She really teases the dogs, she is mean to them...you get where I am going with this? Yup dog "bite" except it wasn't the one causing the problem it was the nearby innocent bystander who jumped up, screamed and scared the shit outta the dog. He nipped at her, did not break the skin, but caused a bruise. Yup incident report and lord only knows what else. We really have to reconsider what we want to do. Rehoming is not a possibility, we can't put him down he is two, and the pound well...how fair is that?


WTF?

Girl interrupted

Call to 911 for an unexpected asthma attack by littlest. Overnight admission, zero sleep, lost day of wages for the both of us, and a rule breaker incessant biograndmother. Followed by me having to place a no information and no visitor flag on her chart with follow up calls to CPS.

Grandma who showed up with bio aunt proceeded to try and enable phone contact with bio mom,sent text pictures and even room number and information.

These parents are on court supervised visits and no contact. Grandma wonders why she is unable to get permission to transport or even to have unsupervised visits on her own she just does not get it and will never get it. It's only natural to want your child to have access to their own child, but there are serious issues that are being addressed and rules that have to be followed, even if we don't believe it happened.

Urgh!!!!

Cupcake Wars- Foster Addition

A Thank you

This is a very nice thing to get from Bioparents! It really means a lot.

I feel so sick

Because I am so tired. I can't keep this up. The behavior coach for the oldest called today and said the visits will take 3.5 hours once a week. At least 30 minutes with me and the rest with the oldest... giving me tips and showing me how to use new techniques and such. The therapist comes for 2 hours once a week. There are two visits a week, not to mention the fact that they want to do things like eat meals and snacks all day ;-)

Anyway... I did NOT agree to this type of placement without the higher rate compensation. Why? Because the higher rate allows hubs to stay home and me to work. I need to work, I need to be AWAKE at work. I make the money. He was to be the one doing all of these interventions... except I put down that I did NOT want behavior therapies, such as Autism spectrum because I knew from experience that I could not handle the demands of it.

Higher order medical conditions are much easier to handle than behaviors. Mostly because you get help with them in the form of respite nurses, instead of more things to do on your own.

Beyond frustrated at this time... like one more thing on my plate with ZERO sleep! I actually feel sick! I may crack. Not sure exactly where to turn. I hate to have this placement disrupted but the expenses are adding up and the WORK is increasing so much that I am feeling like I want to run away and hide.

Some days are good. Days where it's straight up parenting and I have managed a night of sleep... like Sunday's and Mondays. But by Thursday I feel like I am going to die and I am just a big bitch. Heck by Friday I am practically in a coma.

I hate to dump this all on hubs after he has worked all day... of course his 2 hours with them is nothing compared to my 11 after working all night, being up all day and repeat.

Currently I am getting about 1.5 hours sleep when I get home and about 1 hour after he gets home before I go to work. I'd like to say these are good sleeping hours but they are NOT! Between the dogs barking and the girls yelling it's interruption after interruption.

Top it off that I feel guilty that the little one I take care of isn't getting the special times she used to get with me. I knew things would be different and I knew it would be hard on her. I have tried to take her twice now but it's hard because when she is here it is 4 times as much work and she does like to monopolize a lot of my time I just can't give it to her but with her health issues she needs constant monitoring.

Well off to fight with three little heads of hair and get ready to fight traffic to drop them off at their visit. I really hope they switch soon.

On the cusp

The oldest has been on the cusp of a total breakdown since she woke up this AM. I can see her episodes of disassociation happening more frequently, she has hit,pushed, bit and tried to drown her little sister today. She has expressed normal wishes and feelings that most older kids have who do not want to share with their little sisters, but her shifts are bothersome because she has some cognitive and safety issues that trigger behaviors that are a tad scary at times.

She has once again been assigned a Behavior Coach, of course I haven't heard how that actually will affect anything. I just know that quiet days at home without constant activities and planning and scheduling leave her too much time to plot on her own and if she doesn't get her way... well it's pretty much everyone else's fault and we are no fun.

Today I just have not been feeling well. I puke everything I eat, which has made me lose 11 pounds since they have come, which hey I am not exactly complaining about- but damn I miss food... anyway, I wanted today to be a quieter day so I allowed them to play tea party and Princess, including getting dressed up into their Sunday best. I put on a Sunday school CD for them to relax to and swam with them for two hours. They enjoyed Marco Polo. Meals were prepared according to our schedule (8am breakfast, 10am snack, 12pm lunch, 3pm snack, 5pm dinner, 7 pm snack, 8pm bedtime)and I even let them build a tent in the playroom outta blankets and put Nick on TV for them. I am sooo tired and there are only so many things I can do during the day on 2 hours of sleep.

They have greatly improved overall in their behaviors. Driving is wayyy less stressful, meal times are pleasant, and bed time is getting better. Heck even calling swim time over is getting a little easier.

Once we have money again I hope to be able to take them a few places during the week to break up the day time boredom but like I said... it's hard when you are just so tired.

I am also glad to say that they may have started to overcome their need to eat everything in site. Today were 3 normal meals and not even requests for seconds. Now that they know the timing of the meals, maybe this has helped? Because I am providing the same things I did previously.

Frenchtoast sticks with organic yogurt

Oreo birthday cake flavor and gogurt

peanutbutter and agave syrup sandwich for big and middle, 1/2 a bologna sandwich for little, potato chips, potato salad, bread & butter pickles.

spaghetti with meatballs and cooked carrots.

Our Daily meals in pictures...

Skipped the picture of breakfast because hey it was just plain old fruit loops. We followed breakfast with a trip to a special clothing store for foster children and the ladies there were amazing! However when they asked if the girls could have a cookie I said yes... I did not think they were going to give them this

After shopping, because the girls were pretty good actually, even in the car, we went to McD's Playplace where they enjoyed a few of the above.

We came home and had this

Went swimming for a few hours and then spent some time with the rest of the cookie box. Oh yeah they did.

It was therapy time, then play time and then they had this


Let's just say that if they think they are getting dessert today... well... it totally is NOT going to happen.

Food, Fun & Visits

Sunday we went to church... a great time was had by all since it was the VBS special service and the kids were able to perform and sing. For breakfast they had cereal and yogurt. Only the oldest asked for a second bowl. No big Sunday breakfast this week because we had to be at church so early.

After church there was gogurt for snack until lunch was ready.


Father's Day we had a small BBQ. My parents and nephew came as well as my son. Everyone swam until Frank flooded the pool with backwashed chlorine and it turned from water into milk thus ending the swimming day. The girls each ate 2 hot dogs with bun, a teriyaki chicken thigh, Brussels sprouts @ 4 each, and potato salad for lunch. Followed that up with a popcicle and a 3 hour count down until dinner.

At which time there was shrimp fried rice and apple sauce. 1 ate 4 helpings and 1 ate 3. 1 only wanted seconds of the apple sauce which they had already eaten the half of jar that was left so we were plum outta that. I really do think I need a membership to Costco... course I do not have the fridge or freezer space for that at this time.

To end the night we watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid and had grapes and strawberries- at which time the one who ate the 4 helpings of dinner exclaims, " This is all I get?" I think 6 huge strawberries and a 1/2 cup of grapes was a sufficient snack an hour and a half after dinner when there was only a shower for activity between them.


This AM breakfast - organic vanilla yogurt, turkey sausage patty & French Toast sticks with syrup and strawberry milk

Breakfast is not their hungry meal usually so I do not expect seconds to be asked for of this meal. Of course they'll be wondering where their morning snack is any minute and they just walked away from the breakfast table as I type this.

Today is their visit at lunch so I am sure they will be starving... I mean heck it's 3 hours from now and they have to give Mommy something to complain about.

Course I think I will just let her do their hair for them ;-)

Outings

I like doing outings, I miss doing outings, but I am NOT going to do outings. I think we need to work on a few things prior to being able to do outings with them. First and foremost is that they need to understand safety boundaries... it's as if the concept is foreign... which most likely it is.

Although, if you ask anyone in the family.. these were the most perfect parents ever who have great parenting skills.

CFT means... Child and Family Team meeting

Girls are def going home in Aug... most likely the first week. Which is good for everyone. You know how the bio parents have to complain about something. I mean heck if you complain enough about how bad the care is in the foster home the judge will just send them home right? Ummm... yeah more like split them up, send them to a crisis center and scar them for life.... yet I digress... the list of bad care they are getting...

1. The girls are always starving when they come to a visit.
(Yup well it's either lunch or dinner time when they get there and they like to eat all the time... they are so starved here that in the few weeks they have been here they have gained 5 pounds each... sounds more like I am actually over feeding them and probably need to cut back on allowing seconds, thirds and probably cut out a few of the snacks as well. I'm sorry if 3 meals and 3 snacks are not enough food in your opinion.... may I just add that I receive currently zero money for the food that I am feeding YOUR KIDS!)

2. They are always wearing the same few outfits.
( Yup it's pretty much all they have right now for the summer season because you keep buying them hair bows and make-up instead of summer outfits, because um... kids grow every year at that age. Oh and yeah the state only gives me $0.33 a day for clothes which I haven't actually received yet, I have already purchased the 3 same outfits that they are wearing, and a few pjs that you don't see and yeah... well... BUY YOUR KIDS SOME DAMN CLOTHES!!)

3. The kids say she makes them do chores like clean their rooms and clear their plates after meals!
( Holy shit really? Call a cop... or better yet... you are stupid)

4. The dog ate their Barbie Doll.
(Yup you told the girls they don't have to listen to me or do "chores" like pick up after themselves and the older said you will just buy her a new one anyway so she doesn't have to put things away if she doesn't want to.... see answer above)


Next CFT is July 9th... I addressed my issues today with making sure the older gets 1:1 counseling. They are adjusting the visits again and I will soon not have to transport at all!

Counting the days baby!

Daycare update

They went yesterday and came back cranky and filthy. After daycare was VBS again, where they really seemed to enjoy it. They were supposed to go today but Frank stayed home because I got out of work late.

Either he needs to bring them to daycare, which let's face it will be nearly impossible at 0530 for him to get ready and rustle together 3 very reluctant little girls, or he needs to be able to quit his job.

I think based on what we will be getting for them, which will cover the mortgage, he may be able to quit and be the stay at home dad he wants to be.

On the other hand, we really need to make some changes in our marriage before he takes that step.

Ever so careful what you say

Today I was driving my 3 to daycare and on the ride there they were discussing having their mouths taped with duct tape.

Apparently hubby and the girls were watching Goonies and the girls kept asking why they taped the boy's mouth. Hubby explained to them that it was done to keep him quiet and from making too much noise.

Their impression, "If we make too much noise Frank will tape our mouths with duct tape." WTF?!?

Oh what a call I am sure this will be. Either way... it's logged now :-)

Kingdom Rock VBS Promo Video | Vacation Bible School | 2013 Easy VBS | G...

VBS (Vacation Bible School) was a hit. All of the girls made friends and had a great time. The little one was the most shy and of course they all took a while to warm up, but the middle one was dancing and singing around with everyone by the end of the night like she had known these kids forever. Not a melt down to be had and all are excited to go back tonight!

On the other hand today is daycare day 1. I have run into a SNAFU though because I do not have the oldest one's immunization records. So I called her Pedi and left a message. Hoping they will let her in today and then on the way home I will stop in and pick it up for tomorrow.

Special Outtings

Cause meltdowns? Is it anxiety or lack of coping skills. Is it the lack of control? I wonder. They seem to have fun... maybe it's over stimulating? Either way I think it is just too much and I need more patience or I need to just not plan things.

They beg and beg to do fun things, yet it ends in major fighting with each other or complaining. Of course this happened with my biochildren as well. So it's just kids this age. Well come to think of it my bio son who is 18 tends to be the complainer still when we try and do fun things.

Either way... I'm tired


IHOP for breakfast followed by Peach picking.

I really want more days like these...

Hot Water and Broken Glasses

The joys of having 3 very emotional girls. Yesterday after dinner we took the girls on a nature walk to relieve some of their energy. Of course as with most things they over did it and managed to fill their tummies with hot water from the drinking fountain. So instead of being overheated and hydrated with water, they ended up overheated and feeling like they were going to puke. It's my bad for giving in to the pleas for soda at dinner instead of the usual water. Next time I will know I guess. Water, water, water. But hey in my defense it's been a while and honestly, it's been a while since I have had 5 and 7 year olds.

I also have to continue the battle with SHORTS and not pants. We are not regliously against shorts... this is AZ for dog's sake. Anyway... this AM... at 830, exactly 2 hours after they woke up, and really WTF? 630 every day? I would give them a later bedtime.., but when we do that they still get up at 630... well unless it's a freaking school day! URGH where was I? LOL Anyway, yes... when there is fighting or rough housing there is bound to be crying and that crying is always the middle girl.... today like clockwork it happened and contained broken glass. At least her new ones were ready :-)

Daycare

The girls start daycare next week. Why? Because I am tired. They will go Tue, Wed and Fri from 830am until whenever I feel like getting them previous to 830pm. All meals for those days are provided. I think 3 days gives me enough of a break and time to sleep. Monday they have a parental visit around lunch time and Thursday they have a parental visit around dinner time ;-)

The amendment is completed and they back dated it to the day they arrived. So regardless of the pay date either June 15 or July 15 it will be for the proper amount and moving forward from that will be better.

Visit Day

i'd like to keep track of this as best I can to see if there is a pattern. I blog and I can look back on this and it's safer than a log at home.

Either way, today was family visit day. The girls were exceptionally mean to each other today,but then again they did not get to swim and were not sucked into TV all day. On the ride to the visit, the girls I usually have to correct for yelling and being all crazy in the car, were quiet as church mice, which is exactly like they were last time on the ride there. Now they have a visit on Monday, where I am not driving them, so I can't be there to notice this trend or not... is it the visit or is it the social anxiety of going somewhere that makes then this quiet? I know they come back all happy and excited, have to be reminded to be quieter in the car.

Feeling so Done

My goal was NEVER to turn this into being a stay at home mom... this is exactly what this feels like.

Nonstop Cooking, cleaning, managing behaviors of 3 little girls, dealing with the dogs, after working 10 hours overnight and getting 1 hour of sleep a day this is not going to happen.

I also feel like I am doing this with a dead beat dad... you know the ones that don't pay child support and expect another guy to pick up his slack...

I have totally done this shit before!




Yesterday:
Cereal
(snack of I can't remember)
Shrimp scampi and ramen
2 freeze pops
spaghetti with garlic bread and meatballs
chocolate chip cookies

Lots of swimming and no outings.

Red tape cont

Tomorrow my licensing worker is coming again. Today I received an email that the amendment request was assigned and required more information. I really hope this information was given to them. Usually this means it is 1 day or so away from being finalized. I was told that this will be backdated to the dates the girls came to me... but what I received in the mail today is a contract of sorts from CPS with an unlicensed nonrelative rate of $0 with $1.12 a day per child fee schedule for clothes and personal allowance with all kinds of fucked up dates.

So what this means is that this whole thing will be all kinds of messed up when it is all sorted out. I have a feeling if they do go home for Aug 1st.... that is when things will get this straightened out. In the meantime I am having to be very creative when it comes to meals and gas for when I have to take them places.

I don't mind paying for the extras that we do with them... but all that is required for all of these visits, numerous upcoming and current doctors & therapy appts, and the mileage for gas... seriously I deserve child support :-)

Animal Aggression

Noticing a little aggression towards the animals. There is usually a weird expression that comes across their faces prior to the splash, the hit, or the very rough "play". We are very vigilant when the animals are around them and no one is allowed alone with any animal.

Of course with that being said, we have had to muzzle one of the dogs because he is very afraid of the girls and growls when they come near him. He also heels them when they run by him, which is a nip and can be considered a bite, so we are just trying to introduce the new activity to him and make him feel safer. Although I think he knows not to trust them and he can't help his reactions.



Let's see.. yesterday we started the day with chocolate chip waffles with mandarin orange slices. Little Cinderella was not feeling well and had toast with ginger ale. Snack consisted of grahm crackers and there was some swimming at some point and a snack of freeze pops. Then we went to Ikea and they played in the play place while I shopped with my daughter for her very first apartment. After which it was kids eat free night at IKEA... which I totally do not recommend BTW, so they had meatballs and mashed potatoes and I bought extra garlic bread. Due to the very small sized meal, which is why I do not recommend this place, they were still hungry after dinner so we took them for Freddy's Frozen Custard.

On the agenda

Yesterday was a crazy busy day. Filled with a few firsts for the girls and some bonding time. Of course it being Sunday it started off with bacon and pancakes. After which was some bike riding with hubby. Snack appeared in the form of goldfish crackers followed by some cleaning and then lunch. Which was leftovers from the night before, ie sloppy joe's and mac&cheese and was not met with a great reception. We went out to the mall and went to Barns & Noble for Ice Coffees for us and Strawberry Cream Smoothies for them. Lots of fun was had there. We tasted some Gelatto and decided on Bubblegum flavor for snack. After which was a brief stop at the pet store to look at puppies, the disney store where a great many "I wants" happened, and finally a stop over at the sporting goods store, where there was a few races around the lap track.

After returning home there was swimming and then dinner. Shake N'Bake Pork chops with Rice-a-Roni & greenbeans which was a first for the girls and enjoyed. Movie time Bee Movie with strawberry Shortcake for dessert.

It was nice to hear that they had a good Sunday at the end of the day.

Of course around 11pm Hubby had to rush our Lab to the ER Vet due to an allergic reaction to what we assume is an Ant bite but we can't be positive.

Today of course is resting for us, but the girls enjoyed some more swimming and of course spent the rest of the day eating me out of house and home.

Breakfast- Cereal
Snack- Baby Carrots and Ranch
Lunch- Ravioli
During swimming snack - Goldfish crackers
After swimming Snack- Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookie
Dinner- Potato Stroganoff Hamburger Helper with corn & apple sauce
Snack- Popcorn.


But they are starving and we never feed them. :-)

Exploits of the Lost and Found

Apparently CMDP (medical insurance for Foster Children) does not pay for hearing aides. What exactly was lost since Thursday? Exactly. Which has now been found! I was starting to wonder how on earth we were going to pay for those, when we aren't even getting paid for the girls currently.

I am not a slave

But I play one on TV I guess. I think the point here is that expectations for self sufficient children are a little lost sometimes. "Get me underwear, can you get me more? I really need this fixed right now." Small requests made with big attitudes lacking a few extra important words makes me a not so happy Mamma.

By the ages these children are they should have learned more life skills. From what everyone says they were neglected to a point of having to do everything, except when they came into care they couldn't do anything. So I have been spending time on balance. Things they can do themselves and things they need help with, or simply things that I help with just to show that an adult is here and their needs will be met. Yesterday a request for a Pop-tart for breakfast was met with a No from me. The instant reaction was, "Why are we not having breakfast today?" My bad.

I did remember to point out that, You don't need to ask me for water to drink ever, it is always available to you. You may also have seconds at meals as long as you have finished your first helping and there is enough for all. (However, please do so with the phrase, "May I please have more?" or "Can I have some more...please") You may help fix your own plate at times, but no this is not a restaurant with a menu for you to order from and yes we have, gulp, leftovers! You may not demand things, please and thank yous must be said,always. Case in point when I want them to do something I say please (like they have a choice) and I say thank you when they do something. Like for example yesterday they were great at the water park, I said, "Thank you for being on your best behavior today. Great job." They were very confused and wanted to know why I said thank you. I did explain that I don't always like to tell them about their mistakes and I will always acknowledge the good as well. I don't like to be the "mean one" all the time.

BTW, Yes you do have to brush your hair every day. Of course you need to change your clothes and no you can not sleep in your clothes at the end of the day. Mainly because they are limited and need to be washed but also because you need proper routines established.

Today's quote of the day...

"Why are we having Brownies again today for dessert?"

Seriously? Um cuz there are kids in the US foster care system who have never even heard of Brownies!






What we did yesterday:
Breakfast -Scrambled eggs, toast with jam, milk
Lunch - Pool Party Pizza and drinks
Snack- Freddy's Frozen Custard Sundae's
Swimming at our pool
Dinner- Sloppy Joe's & Mac&Cheese
baths
Dessert- Brownies (again)
bedtime @ 7pm - Why was bedtime so early and sans movie? Because 3 little girls took two hours to go to bed the night before.