"You are amazing people, you are saints, I couldn't do that... they are so lucky to have you." Things I hear people say. I do agree that we are amazing people, but not because of what we do, but just because we are us. I do not think we are saints, since I know for sure we are sinners everyday. Perhaps yes my kids are very lucky to have me, because well I'm awesome!
I don't need praise or epithets in our honor for doing what we do or "taking" the children that we do... because I do it for selfish reasons. I'm so lucky to get to see the smiles on these faces everyday and so lucky I get to hold them and that they seek my comfort. I'm so lucky that they were chosen for me to be a part of their lives. I'm so lucky that I get to hear first giggles, words, and help them to achieve their milestones.
So yeah I do this for selfish reasons, because I was not finished being an active Mommy.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Always "On"
Some days I think that I am just faking it. Some days the need or rather the feeling of having to be "on" all the time is draining.
We get a lot of home based services for our kids. Speech, physical therapy, vision therapy, and nursing. Add to that the constant meetings with case workers and other team members for these kiddos and there are more people in and out of our house. Next week we start allowing Spuds mom to come for 4 hours on Tuesday to visit him.
It's a wonder that when given the opportunity to have just hubby, the kids, and I alone I relish it, despite the extra work for us it may cause. Of course the have such a well oiled routine that having "help" isn't really a help, it's more just a job I can offer my friend.
Generally I am a private person and don't like to share a lot with people, especially the private sanctum that is our home. My point, I'm seriously thinking that our Foster care days may be numbered once we finalize and finish up with Spuds case...
I guess we shall see.
We get a lot of home based services for our kids. Speech, physical therapy, vision therapy, and nursing. Add to that the constant meetings with case workers and other team members for these kiddos and there are more people in and out of our house. Next week we start allowing Spuds mom to come for 4 hours on Tuesday to visit him.
It's a wonder that when given the opportunity to have just hubby, the kids, and I alone I relish it, despite the extra work for us it may cause. Of course the have such a well oiled routine that having "help" isn't really a help, it's more just a job I can offer my friend.
Generally I am a private person and don't like to share a lot with people, especially the private sanctum that is our home. My point, I'm seriously thinking that our Foster care days may be numbered once we finalize and finish up with Spuds case...
I guess we shall see.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Bump
First bump in the road to adoption of S. Today the case worker received a call from a bio-relative on Mom's side. So early in the process but what that means is that this could get ugly.
First they have to do a homestudy and background check of that family member and see if they clear. Then there are all the medical issues of S to address.
Hopefully this isn't someone just popping in to see if there is anything there for them. I don't even want to think about the alternative to losing her too... but such is the nature of this beast!
Good news is that we received the call today about finally starting the paperwork for renewing our adoption certification. Lots of paperwork to gather, a few meetings, and then the stack of papers moved over to awaiting signature by the judge. 4-5 month process. Hopefully it'll move quicker and maybe we can get a quick adoption date after that. Right now a double adoption would be ideal... but I'll settle for finalizing Mr D since we've been waiting nearly two years already.
First they have to do a homestudy and background check of that family member and see if they clear. Then there are all the medical issues of S to address.
Hopefully this isn't someone just popping in to see if there is anything there for them. I don't even want to think about the alternative to losing her too... but such is the nature of this beast!
Good news is that we received the call today about finally starting the paperwork for renewing our adoption certification. Lots of paperwork to gather, a few meetings, and then the stack of papers moved over to awaiting signature by the judge. 4-5 month process. Hopefully it'll move quicker and maybe we can get a quick adoption date after that. Right now a double adoption would be ideal... but I'll settle for finalizing Mr D since we've been waiting nearly two years already.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Look what these babies can do...
It's a been a very busy week or so here. Each baby has turned a month older and with that came some advancing of their milestones.
S can sit independently... at 14 months old she is at a 6 month developmental age, her adjusted age is 10 months old. She says Baba,Mama,Dada,& Nana. She does not use any of those for anything other than babble. She's very social and has stranger anxiety. She's still not taking any food by mouth and is only 16 pounds. We did find out that she is tongue tied so maybe that has something to do with her feeding issues. We shall have to see I guess. Her case: She is free... we are just awaiting the adoption referral.
Spud can actually sit in his blue chair and has initiated play for the first time. Developmentally he is sitting at a 2.5 month old and age adjusted is 4 months, he's 8 months old. He coos and echos vowel sounds and smiles a lot. He's down from .4L of O2 to .1L Yay! He can take about 2 oz of formula by mouth, but tires out pretty quickly and usually has to break that up in 1 oz feeds between naps. He is pretty much just taking the bottle from me right now though, so that's a bit frustrating. He weighs in at a whopping 15.8ish pounds, but I'm thinking that at his next appointment he'll probably blow that away. Most excitedly, he sleeps all night long from 8p to 7am in his own crib! His case Court is on the 28th but it's just an update of the case. BM hasn't done anything with regard to her case. She has an appointment yesterday, don't know if she made it or not, but that could add extra time. Right now it's so so early in the case that she has a ton of time to get her stuff together and get him back. Of course he's now in a concurrent plan which is Reunification/Adoption by foster parents.
D is coming along so much. He's standing so much more now and sitting like a champ. He's still only 20 pounds and only says Mama, Nine, and No. He signs yes, more, play, music, eat, and drink. He asks for things like More eat, More Play Pattycake, or More music. He can even answer yes and no questions appropriately. I'm a little concerned right now about some swollen lymph nodes I found on him, so he has some follow-up appointments for that. He can throw a temper tantrum like no ones business and has learned some new tricks for them like thrashing his head back and forth, banging his head on his chair, exersaucer, or walker. He can and likes to feed himself over being fed. He loves food and tastes everything. He still prefers soft food textures of baby foods over some table foods, but pizza and baby cheese puffs have become his favorite foods. His case Has been adoption all along and since he's been free for awhile now we are just waiting to complete our updated homestudy and get an adoption date. We are hoping at this point that it's a double adoption with S. Can I just say that I hate waiting for people to do their jobs so I can get my part accomplished. Today I completed the subsidy packet and am just now awaiting all the medical update letters from all of his physicians.
Emily is in Kindergarten! Wow full day 5 days a week. She's having adjustment issues for sure. Nursing changes and all these new people have made for many a meltdown. So glad it is easy to corral her during a fit. She gets a new wheelchair next week, she's healing very well from her last hand surgery, and is growing leaps and bounds with her ability to use her previously affected stroke side hand, she used to have total neglect of it. She's such a big girl now and even her tastes in movies, her favorite things, have changed. No longer will she tolerate baby shows, she's a big girl now and B@rbie Dancing has become one of her favorite things. We are actually looking into a Special Needs Dance class or cheer team that we have heard about for her to try. But we really need to get her a stander/walker so that she can really enjoy the other kids. She loved watching and interacting with kids her age, typical kids make her laugh.
She is not a fan of her picture being taken.
S can sit independently... at 14 months old she is at a 6 month developmental age, her adjusted age is 10 months old. She says Baba,Mama,Dada,& Nana. She does not use any of those for anything other than babble. She's very social and has stranger anxiety. She's still not taking any food by mouth and is only 16 pounds. We did find out that she is tongue tied so maybe that has something to do with her feeding issues. We shall have to see I guess. Her case: She is free... we are just awaiting the adoption referral.
Spud can actually sit in his blue chair and has initiated play for the first time. Developmentally he is sitting at a 2.5 month old and age adjusted is 4 months, he's 8 months old. He coos and echos vowel sounds and smiles a lot. He's down from .4L of O2 to .1L Yay! He can take about 2 oz of formula by mouth, but tires out pretty quickly and usually has to break that up in 1 oz feeds between naps. He is pretty much just taking the bottle from me right now though, so that's a bit frustrating. He weighs in at a whopping 15.8ish pounds, but I'm thinking that at his next appointment he'll probably blow that away. Most excitedly, he sleeps all night long from 8p to 7am in his own crib! His case Court is on the 28th but it's just an update of the case. BM hasn't done anything with regard to her case. She has an appointment yesterday, don't know if she made it or not, but that could add extra time. Right now it's so so early in the case that she has a ton of time to get her stuff together and get him back. Of course he's now in a concurrent plan which is Reunification/Adoption by foster parents.
D is coming along so much. He's standing so much more now and sitting like a champ. He's still only 20 pounds and only says Mama, Nine, and No. He signs yes, more, play, music, eat, and drink. He asks for things like More eat, More Play Pattycake, or More music. He can even answer yes and no questions appropriately. I'm a little concerned right now about some swollen lymph nodes I found on him, so he has some follow-up appointments for that. He can throw a temper tantrum like no ones business and has learned some new tricks for them like thrashing his head back and forth, banging his head on his chair, exersaucer, or walker. He can and likes to feed himself over being fed. He loves food and tastes everything. He still prefers soft food textures of baby foods over some table foods, but pizza and baby cheese puffs have become his favorite foods. His case Has been adoption all along and since he's been free for awhile now we are just waiting to complete our updated homestudy and get an adoption date. We are hoping at this point that it's a double adoption with S. Can I just say that I hate waiting for people to do their jobs so I can get my part accomplished. Today I completed the subsidy packet and am just now awaiting all the medical update letters from all of his physicians.
Emily is in Kindergarten! Wow full day 5 days a week. She's having adjustment issues for sure. Nursing changes and all these new people have made for many a meltdown. So glad it is easy to corral her during a fit. She gets a new wheelchair next week, she's healing very well from her last hand surgery, and is growing leaps and bounds with her ability to use her previously affected stroke side hand, she used to have total neglect of it. She's such a big girl now and even her tastes in movies, her favorite things, have changed. No longer will she tolerate baby shows, she's a big girl now and B@rbie Dancing has become one of her favorite things. We are actually looking into a Special Needs Dance class or cheer team that we have heard about for her to try. But we really need to get her a stander/walker so that she can really enjoy the other kids. She loved watching and interacting with kids her age, typical kids make her laugh.
She is not a fan of her picture being taken.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Misorder and Law
To say I was shocked about the trial and the subsequent outcome was saying it mildly. The day started as any other but the facts of the case, the age and gender of the child should have been enough for any judge to make a ruling immediately. The CPS worker thought it'd take a while for the judge to rule. It didn't she ruled from the bench. Course that doesn't mean that he can't contest, he still can appeal the decision... but no one in their right mind would grant him more time. Beside the outrageous claims that were made against him for the other case pending the interaction between him and his lawyer overheard before the trial was comical to say the least.
Lawyer " Do you want to go ahead with the trial?"
BD " Yes."
Lawyer " Ok so I will ask you some questions about your daughter, about you, and about how you have been working your case."
BD " Questions like what?"
Lawyer " Simple things like her birthdate, her medical conditions, about the allegations in the other case."
BD " I don't know any of the answers to that."
Lawyer " Do you still want to go ahead with the trial?"
BD "Yeah, I said I did."
I think I saw the lawyer shaking his head as he was walking back into the court room. Later during an unexpected recess the CPS worker told me she would be the only one testifying today.
During cross exam of the CPS worker BD lawyer asked 4 questions:
Lawyer " Why do you not think that he has a relationship or a bond with his daughter. Have you seen him with her?"
CPS "No Because he hasn't seen her in 7 months, because she hasn't spent any significant time with him, and because he could not even recogize her in a picture that foster parent showed. His first response when she showed him the picture was to deny that it was his child. There were no other children in the picture."
Lawyer " And you think that the child is bonded with the foster parents?"
CPS " Yes I do. They have been caring for her for over 7 months. She sees them daily. They meet all of her needs. When a stranger approaches her she looks to them prior to engaging with other to make sure its ok. She is comforted by them"
Lawyer " You said my client lives in a shelter. Don't they allow children there?"
CPS " I do not know."
Lawyer " Defense rests"
At which time the AG redirected the CPS worker.
AG " Do you think a child that is medically fragile is best served living in a mens homeless shelter?"
CPS " No I do not."
Another comical moment came during the cross examination of the CPS worker from BM attorney...
Lawyer" Do you know where my client is?"
CPS " No I do not."
Lawyer "When was the last attempt to find her?"
CPS " Last we had contact with her was January. I am not sure of the last date exactly of the parent location report was done, but usually a few months."
Lawyer " Mother side rests"
At the end the father asked for more time... time for what?
Lawyer " Do you want to go ahead with the trial?"
BD " Yes."
Lawyer " Ok so I will ask you some questions about your daughter, about you, and about how you have been working your case."
BD " Questions like what?"
Lawyer " Simple things like her birthdate, her medical conditions, about the allegations in the other case."
BD " I don't know any of the answers to that."
Lawyer " Do you still want to go ahead with the trial?"
BD "Yeah, I said I did."
I think I saw the lawyer shaking his head as he was walking back into the court room. Later during an unexpected recess the CPS worker told me she would be the only one testifying today.
During cross exam of the CPS worker BD lawyer asked 4 questions:
Lawyer " Why do you not think that he has a relationship or a bond with his daughter. Have you seen him with her?"
CPS "No Because he hasn't seen her in 7 months, because she hasn't spent any significant time with him, and because he could not even recogize her in a picture that foster parent showed. His first response when she showed him the picture was to deny that it was his child. There were no other children in the picture."
Lawyer " And you think that the child is bonded with the foster parents?"
CPS " Yes I do. They have been caring for her for over 7 months. She sees them daily. They meet all of her needs. When a stranger approaches her she looks to them prior to engaging with other to make sure its ok. She is comforted by them"
Lawyer " You said my client lives in a shelter. Don't they allow children there?"
CPS " I do not know."
Lawyer " Defense rests"
At which time the AG redirected the CPS worker.
AG " Do you think a child that is medically fragile is best served living in a mens homeless shelter?"
CPS " No I do not."
Another comical moment came during the cross examination of the CPS worker from BM attorney...
Lawyer" Do you know where my client is?"
CPS " No I do not."
Lawyer "When was the last attempt to find her?"
CPS " Last we had contact with her was January. I am not sure of the last date exactly of the parent location report was done, but usually a few months."
Lawyer " Mother side rests"
At the end the father asked for more time... time for what?
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
A Balancing Act
Besides from keeping track of medication administration forms for three, doctors appointment forms for three, and goal sheets for three. We have to keep track of CPS worker visits for three, DDD workers for 4, Licensing worker for us. Not to mention multiple doctor appointments, parent visits if they happen or don't happen, and of course therapy for all the kids. Plus the always last minute GAL pop ins prior to court and the needy CASA volunteers who mean well, but don't grasp the concept of exactly how much in a day needs to be juggled to fit in one more visit with someone who seriously at this point can only hold the baby for an hour and disrupt the flow of our very scheduled day.
So anyway, if it doesn't go into the Calendar then it didn't or doesn't happen. It's our family brain, and I can tell you that without it, I'd forget it even happened.
This month
The days fill in quickly and I have a system for keeping it all straight. This I can blame on my nursing background. Though I hate charting, we also have binders that are go to books for each child. If they go to an appointment it goes with them. Each has their name and picture on it. It's organized and it helps so that we can find answers to questions the multitude of people above will ask for.
It's not easy and I try and keep everyone on a pretty strict schedule, even with all the interruptions to save sanity. I have to return to work soon, but I am hoping that I have managed to get the chaotic world of three babies and a medically complex 5 year old under control enough to not sink the ship.
So anyway, if it doesn't go into the Calendar then it didn't or doesn't happen. It's our family brain, and I can tell you that without it, I'd forget it even happened.
This month
The days fill in quickly and I have a system for keeping it all straight. This I can blame on my nursing background. Though I hate charting, we also have binders that are go to books for each child. If they go to an appointment it goes with them. Each has their name and picture on it. It's organized and it helps so that we can find answers to questions the multitude of people above will ask for.
It's not easy and I try and keep everyone on a pretty strict schedule, even with all the interruptions to save sanity. I have to return to work soon, but I am hoping that I have managed to get the chaotic world of three babies and a medically complex 5 year old under control enough to not sink the ship.
Monday, August 10, 2015
In December...
The magic number will be 1... as in we will actually have three one year old in the house! Can you imagine and they are not even related. At one point in time when I was taking fertility medications I thought, wow we could have multiple birth taking this... never did I think that I'd have this route to parenthood. Its hard, but it's worth it all at the same time.
D's adoption packet came and is nearing completion. We have a lot of doctors to contact to get their portion filled out. Tomorrow I have to email the adoption worker and make sure that she emailed our referral to the Homestudy coordinator at the other agency, as that is the only thing that we are waiting for to get done. Once we have that we can get an adoption date. To say I am antsy is an understatement... I want him mine now!
So as promissed her is a bit about what is going on with S. There is court on Wednesday... her birth father, the only parent who's been "in" the picture in a year, had requested visits and custody at the last court hearing. He hadn't seen her or tried to see her since February. So we set up with the Case Manager the dates that we could do a visit. We couldn't get into the Visiting Center because they changed their rules. He doesn't have a parent aide, because he lost that right in March. So next best thing, she had three upcoming doctor appointments. He could attend those. Of course if he really wants to parent her he needs to attend and make sure that he can get to doctor's appointments. He has no car, he has no home. So Case Manager gave him a bus pass for the close appointments and sent a cab for him for the farther appointment. He showed up late and missed the doctor appointment for the first one and spent less than 15 minutes "with" her. He asked a few questions, bought her a teddy bear and looked at her three or four times. Hubby then explained to him the importance of her doctor appointments and getting there on time and a little about exactly what is going on with her and her needs. Second appointment, no show. Third appointment, the cab went to the address that he gave the Case Manager at the last court appearance and guess who they can't find? Severance trial is on Wednesday.... please please please do this kid a favor dude and stay the heck in your crack den!
D's adoption packet came and is nearing completion. We have a lot of doctors to contact to get their portion filled out. Tomorrow I have to email the adoption worker and make sure that she emailed our referral to the Homestudy coordinator at the other agency, as that is the only thing that we are waiting for to get done. Once we have that we can get an adoption date. To say I am antsy is an understatement... I want him mine now!
So as promissed her is a bit about what is going on with S. There is court on Wednesday... her birth father, the only parent who's been "in" the picture in a year, had requested visits and custody at the last court hearing. He hadn't seen her or tried to see her since February. So we set up with the Case Manager the dates that we could do a visit. We couldn't get into the Visiting Center because they changed their rules. He doesn't have a parent aide, because he lost that right in March. So next best thing, she had three upcoming doctor appointments. He could attend those. Of course if he really wants to parent her he needs to attend and make sure that he can get to doctor's appointments. He has no car, he has no home. So Case Manager gave him a bus pass for the close appointments and sent a cab for him for the farther appointment. He showed up late and missed the doctor appointment for the first one and spent less than 15 minutes "with" her. He asked a few questions, bought her a teddy bear and looked at her three or four times. Hubby then explained to him the importance of her doctor appointments and getting there on time and a little about exactly what is going on with her and her needs. Second appointment, no show. Third appointment, the cab went to the address that he gave the Case Manager at the last court appearance and guess who they can't find? Severance trial is on Wednesday.... please please please do this kid a favor dude and stay the heck in your crack den!
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Spud
So Spud is 8 months old... still acts like a two month old. Has become very vocal and has even started taking a bottle now and then. The bottle part is a battle as he does the gagging thing that S did, S is still not eating (her post to come). He sleeps in his own room now, which is decorated with a Monkey theme. 
Anyway Spud is in fact going to be a big brother. Spud's Mom on the other hand is doing everything she can to get him back... oh wait, yeah she just says she is. Two visits totalling 40 minutes...since May. Yeah since May. She has missed her intake for a Parent Aide (meaning more visits) twice, no call no shows. She over sleeps or my favorite, "Oh I should really start keeping track of his appointments now." I'd say I was surprised but I am not. I know its early in the case so I am still hopeful that maybe she will get her crap together... but as the new baby's birth gets closer I find it harder and harder to believe that it will.
He does have a CASA worker now, which is just someone who sees him and tries to work with him and his mother to give them extra support. Its supposed to be a best interest of the baby and only the baby person. She comes and acts like a Grandma... it's cool. I ask her to come during his cranky, please just hold me and only me time.
Anyway Spud is in fact going to be a big brother. Spud's Mom on the other hand is doing everything she can to get him back... oh wait, yeah she just says she is. Two visits totalling 40 minutes...since May. Yeah since May. She has missed her intake for a Parent Aide (meaning more visits) twice, no call no shows. She over sleeps or my favorite, "Oh I should really start keeping track of his appointments now." I'd say I was surprised but I am not. I know its early in the case so I am still hopeful that maybe she will get her crap together... but as the new baby's birth gets closer I find it harder and harder to believe that it will.
He does have a CASA worker now, which is just someone who sees him and tries to work with him and his mother to give them extra support. Its supposed to be a best interest of the baby and only the baby person. She comes and acts like a Grandma... it's cool. I ask her to come during his cranky, please just hold me and only me time.
Now I Know
So sorry. I don't post more on here. I do this mainly for me as a reminder of where we were and how our story unfolds. The problem is that I don't get much time to sit down at the computer and the i products just suck for blog posts.
So much is going on.... I usually think I should blog about this or that, but never manage to get over to the computer.
Emily is about to start kindergarten. She had her second arm lengthening surgery. Her day nurse she's had for two years may not be her day nurse anymore. The school mentioned contracting with another agency, but no way in hell am I just going to let some random nurse just "take her" and not know anything about her. Nursing needs care plans and orders and needs report in order to carefor a child with medical needs like a trach, frequent suctioning, temper tantrums that turn her lie and freak people out, the cast on her arm, her proclivity for shutting down with new people, biting her lip and making it bleed when she's anxious.... The list goes on and on....
So much is going on.... I usually think I should blog about this or that, but never manage to get over to the computer.
Emily is about to start kindergarten. She had her second arm lengthening surgery. Her day nurse she's had for two years may not be her day nurse anymore. The school mentioned contracting with another agency, but no way in hell am I just going to let some random nurse just "take her" and not know anything about her. Nursing needs care plans and orders and needs report in order to carefor a child with medical needs like a trach, frequent suctioning, temper tantrums that turn her lie and freak people out, the cast on her arm, her proclivity for shutting down with new people, biting her lip and making it bleed when she's anxious.... The list goes on and on....
Big things
Today we received the adoption packet for D. We are hoping to get a court date within the next 4 months. All depends on how fast they can get our homestudy completed, good thing we just renewed our foster license so that way they can get everything from there. Hoping that will have everything they need to prove and they can just submit to the courts within a few weeks. The worker said that she'd had some come back after three weeks and some come back past the 60 days.... fingers crossed!
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