Warning- Resentful Vent Post

Yup thats me, I'm resentful. I resent having to work 40 hours in three days to come home and the dishes are days old piled high in the sink. I'mn resentful that when I get up I have to make dinner for everyone, because the person who should be doing it is playing a video game, or on the cell phone, or watching something on tv, while the kids entertain themselves. I'm resentful and overwhelmed with the amount of energy I don't have, but by the amount of work there is always to do.

Yes I give props for being awesome at taking the kids to the doctors, setting up feeding pumps, changing diapers (less frequently then should be done), and doing a few halfass bedtime routines a few times a week. But I'm resentful of your version of "busted my ass cleaning all day", when all you did was sweep and mop the floors, yet there are piles of laundry,the bathrooms are gross, and every surface is cluttered, dusty, and covered in dirty fingerprints or dog hair... but you busted your ass all day cleaning.

I'm resentful that the paperwork is all left to me, but the spending of the money is all left to him. He doesn't even know how much it is, and how far it should go because he spends and spends and spends and doesn't account for it.... yes one more thing for me to do.

I've tried hiring a Nanny to help out, only to find that extra help turns into extra headaches and less getting done. Teaching someone to do something half-assed doesn't help. I've recently hired a friend to help out on the nights that I am working so that he can get some sleep. Of course then he stays up late watching the tv, playing video games or on the cell phone too.

I'm resentful that there are two other adults in this house who take, take, and take some more. I don't consider holding a baby, while I give another a bath, or watching two children who entertain themselves for a hour every once in a while rendered payment for my utter and total support. I am resentful that a grown man isn't acting like a man at all and has also stopped contributing to the household, but hasn't stopped eating me out of house and home, or using my car and taking money from my daughter.

And yes I am resentful that I have had to put school on hold because I have no time for anything, as a matter of fact I am writing this post after a 13.5 hour shift and on ZERO sleep, after doing said dishes, doing feeding therapy with two babies, then administering late meds, breathing treatments and getting dinner ready to cook.

I am so resentful infact that I contemplate daily throwing in the towel altogether. Right now the only thing I am waiting on is the outcome of Mr. D's case. I am pretty sure that if we get to adopt him we are moving into a smaller place and quitting foster care and someone is going to have to get a part-time job. If we don't get to adopt him... I am moving to a smaller place and walking away from it all. :-(

The haps

Well D's next court date is March 24th... that'll be a few days before his one year anniversary of being with us. In the meantime we continue to do visits and see where things go.

Mr C hopefully will be moving on in March, but at his CFT meeting yesterday they said it could be May at this point, unless they can get the judge to sign off on an early transfer once they receive the interstate contract they are waiting on. He's been increasing his behaviors as this drags out. I think he's starting to wonder if this is going to be another let down, he doesn't have the cognitive understanding to get that it's all about waiting for paperwork now.... but then again what kid does?

Little Miss S is a cutie but a handful. If her hands are free in 1 second flat she can pull out her NGT and O2 and set all of her alarms off. We haven't heard anything about her case plan at this point. Haven't settled into anything with her yet as everything is still pending referrals etc. Hopefully she'll get some nursing to give hubby a break.

Emily is Emily and there isn't much different with her. She's doing well with her arm extender. We have a meeting in April for her plan for kindergarten and she has another nurse starting because her evening nurse needed better hours and wasn't really flexible enough to work the days we'd need her for.

So that's about it really... just waiting!

Attempt # 2 at Severance was a no go

Today the Bio's came to court and contested severance. I am an emotional wreck, but then again I know that due process must take place. Mediation is next phase, then trial. CPS wants to let them try and work their cases in the meantime. Makes sense, but it still sucks when we could have been severed back in November had the AG done his job correctly in the first place.... now we wait again and keep trucking along. This is the problem with foster care for sure, the heartbreaking moments.

Vision impairment

This weekend we were exposed to the reality of Mr DS biological cousins that have the same syndrome as we do. Both boys are cognitively impaired significantly and blind. They are in their 30's so treatments and things were different back then. But it was interesting to get a glimps into what he could be like in the future. However, he has some additional challenges too, bhaving been drug and alcohol exposed he has some other aspects of his condition to deal with in development related to that too. The good news is that two of the boys, the ones I met this time, both can walk and talk. I have so much hope for him for his future.


Speaking of vision impairment.... Mr C is blind but in denial about it. He sees light, shape, and sort of clear really really close.... It's comical sometimes they way he gets around, he just walks quickly to where he wants to go just assuming he's right about his path. Many days this method brings about the " bull in the china shop" side of him, other days... He's right on the money.

Another Letter in the Alphabet

Hubby is on the way to pick up an AA 6 month old little girl. Her name is S. When Miss C came to our house over Thanksgiving... I commented that she was the wrong color. I know it's bad, but I've always wanted an AA little girl, since things fell through with Miss I, well... anyway... someone was listening I guess.

No idea about anything regarding her case plan at this time. So stay tuned.

What's happening?

D's birthmom is back and has requested visits,she's also void of memory of the last 9 months. So needless to say this court hearing in January could be interesting. Otherwise he is healing very well from his surgery and sitting up more and more. He's also cut his first top tooth and has rejected the pacifier completely now. I don't think I am ready for that yet, he still needs it!

Emily is having her first arm repair surgery tomorrow. Her night nurse has given notice, so a new person to train :-( We liked her the most, bust her schedule just didn't fit with ours. Emily is testing the limits of my patience. She is the most defiant child I have ever met! To say that she makes it hard to bond with... well it's still a struggle. I hate to admit it, but there is no mother daughter bond there. These things take time I guess, but it was not this hard with Miss I, for me it happened right away with her. Maybe it is just the timing of it all. Emily did come during the loss of two little girls for me.

Mr C is still here and can we just say that we dodged a bullet with his adoption. Hubby and him... well let's just say they butt heads so much that we have come to the conclusion that hubby is not cut out for parenting teens. Yes we have parented teens before, but apparently he didn't like it...lol Hey you live and you learn and you find your strengths and go from there.

C's adoption worker has asked us to consider a 9 year old little boy. So we shall see where that goes.

Crazy Days

D had his surgery and has been all kinds of crazy. He just doesn't sleep anymore at night, I am not a fan of this and he is super cranky. But who can blame him I mean palate surgery is no joke aaaaaannnndddd he has finally cut a third tooth. Good news is that the corneal specialist says that his cornea is cleared even more since the last time he was seen and they know he has more vision than they first thought. Means we get to hold off a bit longer on the transplant if he even needs one at all in the future.

We turned down a placement because it was weird in that CPS was not involved and it was just someone wanting us to take care of their kid for them because they can't... meaning parents are very involved and child is here long term.... he is 15 so yeah... not our thing. Speaking of teenagers Mr C is here and well, he's here. He's a pretty big source of loud but its entertaining most days so it keeps it interesting.

Emily is Emily :-) Not much has changed yet in her world, but we are working towards some exciting things.